How to get over a break up? This is one of those questions which tortured each of us, at least once in our lives. After countless articles and books on this topic, sometimes it still seems that the best way is to let the time heels your emotional wounds.
Grief is a process that you have to let it happen at its own pace. In most cases we cannot speed up this and there is no „normal“ ot prescribed length of mourning. Some people recover faster than others, so do not compare your grief with someone else. In fact, mourning is a very personal thing – it depends on many factors – your age, experience, personality, support of friends and family, and of course – time.
There are different ways of grieving – many people replace the old relationship with the the new one. This may be an easier solution, but it’s not smarter in the long run because it eventually backfires – namely, that person never comes to think about was his/her mistakes in the previous relationship so he/she cannot correct them, but only transfers them to each of the following relationships.
Elisabeth Kuebler Ross described the phases of mourning in her book „On Death and Dying“. She believes that the mourning starts with a denial or disbelief. Then disbelief develops into a fury. Anger turns into depression. And after depression follows a reconciliation and acceptance.
However, not all people go through all these stages, or they can experience them in a different order.
British psychiatrist John Bowlby, in his book “Loss: Sadness and Depression” compares mourning with the tides of the sea. In other words, he writes that morning brings a series of adversary processes like shock and blunt, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, which are eventually followed by reorganization.
Here are few ways to get over a breakup easier and help yourself to reorganize
Cope with your feelings – you can suppress the sadness, but you cannot avoid it forever because it will break – to heal the pain you got to admit it. If you avoid or ignore your feelings, you will only be delaying the grieving process.
Express yourself – you can talk to your close friends about it or write your thoughts in a diary. Write a letter to the former, even though you will never send it. Collect your photos in an album and burn them if that helps
Take care of yourself – soul and body are closely aligned – if you are physically well, you will be better mentally as well – take enough sleep, do not forget to eat (or do not drown your sorrow in piles of food and drinks). Physical activity such as hitting the boxing bag will help you to release the accumulated anger, grief and stress, and if you have insomnia, exhaustion caused by running or working out will help you fall asleep easier.
Never allow others to tell you how you should feel – your sorrow is only yours and no one can say that it is already time to get over it. Do not be embarrassed in front of others, nor before yourself – it’s fine if you’re angry, if’re crying, or if you cannot cry. It’s okay if you smile, if you’re always sad, and if at the end – at least occasionally – you do not feel the pain.
Little by little and one day you’ll probably look back and wonder how come this made you so sad, but still you will be grateful for the experience, because you will feel it made you stronger.